These aren’t remedies, or even advice, but in an age of over-consumption of information, why not add it to the pan? We’ll overlook the hilarious notion that I’M the one writing this, but it’s purely an account of what helps me.
Accepting the universe is neither our friend, nor our enemy
The world is not meant to be kind, but we are. Blaming our misfortunes and pain on ourselves, our loved ones, God, or a guardian angel gone sadist — are all very plausible theories birthed in the deep chasms of our twisted minds. But they aren’t true. Separating our feelings from fact, is integral. As I write this, I’m filled with dread and despair. My heart races from reading the news, and dwelling on my future for a millisecond. Yet, I’m aware that this state is not my final destination, and that in order to right by others, I have to do right by myself.
We live with all the sick, troubled, cruel parts of us and don’t get enough credit for bearing that burden. We consciously dismiss our loved ones’ apparent flaws, but scar our own arms over the ones we have. Our own resilience is something that withstood our darkest days. The universe owes us nothing but we owe it to ourselves to see us through to the end. We deserve better. Remaining alive is no short feat, and our existence itself is an act of rebellion. Worst comes to worst — we always have that achievement.
Make Peace with Your Worst-Case Scenario
When we familiarize and accept whatever scares us, it loses its power — at least most of it. Making peace with our deepest fears can help us overcome them. Stripping them of all our ascribed connotations and symbolism, by repeating them over in our mind, rids them of all power that they hold over us. This is followed by picking your battles. There comes a time when our over-analyzing reaps no resolution at all, and we have to accept that we can’t solve every problem in every crevice of our minds. But we can alleviate the pain in terms of how and what we look at. Pick a battle that we can resolve. However small it may seem, it will matter greatly in restoring our belief.
Finding what works for you spiritually
I believe we can decide our own motivations for being alive in this world. One that transcends universality. What brings you peace? Is it praying to God? Is it generosity? Is it the thunderous sky or the swaying trees? Chase that. Become conscious of whatever fills your heart, and fill it up as much as you can. I cry easily over movies, songs, texts, and my mother’s voice. But because I feel for the Universe, that means I belong to it, and in it.
Self care is not a reward
If we don’t view sleeping as a luxurious indulgence — or a trip to Bora Bora, then neither is self care. And no, I’m not talking about face-masks or monetary splurges (unless that bloats your goat — you do you, bud). Self care is discipline and “empathy with your future self”. Winding up the clock again and letting go of whatever is weighing you down — external or internal (e.g.: a spiraling pattern of negative habits or responses). If we strip down our routines/interactions to a bare minimum, and adopt a maternal viewpoint (I’ll get to this) of our thought process — the actions or habits that we associate with our bad mental health days — are the problem factors. Even if they look minuscule or harmless, limiting of that which contributes to our spiral — is essential.
A Maternal Viewpoint
This can be the Friend viewpoint or whatever you wanna call it. But I think of it as “mothering” yourself in your worst, most lowest points. That’s not to say we shouldn’t practice this during our healthier days, but I think our worst periods are when it’s most hardest-yet-important to do.
Although awareness and acceptance (without judgement) of our state of being, is important to overcome it; it helped me to separate the two conflicting parts of my identity to allow one to take on a “maternal” role for the other. Foremost, whether you believe it or not, there’s always a part of you that is yearning to get better — to be better. This however-tiny part of your soul takes on the role of rationality and comfort. When you feel yourself gravitating towards the deep end of the pool, this repressed instinct kicks in to save you. And trust me, it’s always there.
We use it to support and love our friends, our family, our pets, and our society. We just don’t use it on ourselves. We have to be our own best friends and not only call ourselves out on our harmful habits, but also remind us again and again that we are redeemable. It’s the instinct that kicks in to save us from drowning or other physical harm, but now we only have to utilize it against mental threats. Thus, separating ourselves from the mental illness, can help us view it from an external outlook that doesn’t villainize us. We are the object to save — our mental illness is the threat.
Like our mothers, we may not know the right path to take, and that’s alright. We only have to be present in the moment when we feel ourselves slipping. Remind ourselves that we are not under any danger right now, this too shall pass, and that we aren’t going to find endorphins in 12 packets of Oreos (looking at myself here). Till our mind is strong enough to throw off the blanket itself.
It’s only temporary — because ultimately: don’t we all ignore our mothers until we’re really struggling? It may seem futile to nag ourselves when we don’t have the willpower, but (like our mothers) we have to believe that eventually, our repetitive affirmations will eventually get through to us.
There’s obviously no shortage of helpful advice online, but what matters is consciously taking repetitive action to heal yourself, in whatever way possible. Healing is not linear, it’s not without setbacks, and it’s a struggle we have to make all our lives. Going to a rundown store only to purchase ourselves over and over again, no matter how many times we run out or break. It’s all we know.
